


You Tried

by Freak_of_Nature



Series: Hanahaki Disease AU [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hanahaki Disease, Little Dialogue, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-23
Updated: 2017-07-23
Packaged: 2018-12-05 17:35:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11582916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Freak_of_Nature/pseuds/Freak_of_Nature
Summary: It started during the game. At first, you tried to ignore it, to act like it wasn't there. You tried to replace him with someone else. Your name is Dave Strider, and you are dying from loving someone who could never love you back.





	You Tried

You tried so hard. Tried so hard to shove the feelings down until they were non-existent. You desperately tried to love Karkat instead. It was easy at first, you really did like him. He was fun to rile up and his lips were very soft when they were pressed against his. Some part of you thought it was inevitable that you ended up hooking up with him while stranded on the meteor. He was just there, like a perfect replacement for the true person who had their fingers wrapped around your heart. You know how terrible that sounded but, then again, you never claimed to be a good person.

You knew your relationship with him wasn't fair when the flowers persisted even as his arms were wrapped around your shoulders and your lips were pressed together. In moments where things got intimate and you had to leave to cough up the flowers that constantly clogged your airway were always the worst to you. You knew the looks he gave you when you rushed out and spent the next hour coughing and hiding the fact that you were dying. 

You tried to fool yourself, thinking that, maybe, it would trick the flowers growing inside you. But it never worked and things got harder when everyone arrived on the meteor and John had zapped into existence with someone who looked very similar to Rose but older. Your heart had clenched at the image of your best bro’s (and your longest crush, the reason you were dying- but you'd never blame him. Never. This situation was all your fault for going and falling in love with someone who could never love you) arm linked with someone who's not you. 

When you met your ectobiolagical bro, father, person, it took your mind off of John for a little bit while you two talked. It was emotional (Strider’s don't do emotions) until your throat closed up as your head was on his shoulder and you violently cough, cupping a hand over your mouth to catch the deep blue petals dotted with blood. You had almost let a whimper escape your throat, but you held back since Dirk was still near you and you couldn't be weak. 

Since you were sitting on the edge of the roof, legs dangling off the high building-you idly thought how easy it would be to just scoot a couple more inches and then you'd be free but you immediately drown that thought-you let the petals slip free from your hands. Their blue color taunted you all the way down as if mocking you for the utter fool you already knew you were. After that, the two of you don't say anything to each other but, out of the corner of your eye, you saw Dirk give you a look that you could only explain as understandment and you wonder what happened to him during all those years alone. 

It's when he comes over to where you and Karkat are sitting as everyone talked amongst themselves in the bittersweet reunion. His sparkling blue eyes hold your crimson ones (though he couldn't see under the shades you wore) as he sits down next to you. You were the first one he stopped to talk to and, no matter how much you told yourself to not think too hard about it, you do and the tickle in the back of your throat hurts so, so much. 

And he's so beautiful, even moreso from when you were both thirteen and weren't worried about if you would die or not. You remember the long talks on Skype you two would have in the middle of the night when neither of you could sleep because something or other kept you up. Those moments we're the best memory you had and you couldn't believe how much your heart clenched just from seeing him, from seeing his smile. You wondered how he can still smile like that when all of this had happened and it just made him all the more wonderful to you.

You ignored the look Karkat gave you.

He talked about you and Karkat, about your relationship with the forever angry troll and you ignore the pain that pokes your heart. Granted, the reactions from Karkat were hilarious but you just couldn't look away from the boy in front of you no matter how hard you tried. As he asked about what happened on the meteor, you couldn't help but notice a look of sadness that passed on his face and tilted his head to let out a quiet cough, muffled by his hand. 

John left and you stared after him, wishing he would just come back so you could kiss him, kiss him. But you were a coward and he would probably just end up hating you. But, God, you were dying and he was gorgeous and amazing and you wouldn't have it any other way.

You could tell Karkat knew something was up, he could always tell. No matter what the others say about him, he wasn't naive and he wasn't stupid. You love him, or at least you did. And maybe you still did, but not in the way you currently are. You would do anything for him, but you didn't love him the way he loved you. And you felt horrible for it. 

The fighting started and ended. You all came out bruised and in a dire need for a warm bath or a nap, or, preferably, both. You watched as John and Karkat claim the prize and you could finally say it was over. That game had twisted your life up and ruined it in more ways than one, but, you supposed, it had some good consequences as well. You got to meet all the trolls, who, while most were annoying, were a welcome presence in your life. And you got to see John in person. That was the best part about all of it.

Things were chaotic for a while, building new towns, finding stable food and water and learning how to exist in a completely new world where the sun never set and it never got cold (not that you really missed the cold since it rarely got cold in Texas). Eventually everything was sorted out and you were able to take a breather, which was significantly hard with the flowers still blocking your lungs.

You had started coughing up full flowers now and it was getting harder and harder to hide

Something was off with John as well, it had been going on for a while now and you weren't sure if anyone else noticed. Probably not, seeing as he did a good job of hiding it and you were the only one constantly around him (or as much as you could be). He wasn't as happy as he used to be, he flinched when someone touched him without permission, and had constant bags under your eyes. And he hates his birthday. They were all subtle; the flinches we're usually small and he'd bounce right back before the person noticed, the bags were usually covered with makeup, and, while they did throw parties for him, John always seemed so sad and paranoid on that day. You put it off as just PTSD from the game, you all had your issues, but you couldn't help but worry about him. 

He had also started to shut himself out, to the point where there's be times when you went at least a couple days without seeing him but then you'd barge up to his house and demand a spontaneous movie night or something equally nerdy. He never told you what was wrong though and, most times, you'd have to excuse yourself hallway through the movies to cough out your lungs because he was right there and you just wanted to hug him and never let go, but you couldn't.

You and Karkat had broken things off shortly after arriving in Earth C, to your forever thanks. He could tell you were a little more than head over heels for Egbert and didn't want to live in delusions anymore. The break-up (or whatever it was called in troll language) was mutual and you were both still very close friends after it. Karkat was actually happily flushed with the one nerdy hacker troll, you had a hard time with names, and you thought they were cute but if he ever did anything to hurt Karkat you'd end him. 

You were with John tonight, your feet on his lap and you took up the entire couch, except for the small space the blue eyed boy had managed to squeeze into. He was wearing a sky blue sweatshirt that was a little too big so the sleeves passed his hands and it made him look adorable and black sweatpants. John always kept his house cold so you were decked in basically the same thing except you wear wearing a dark red sweatshirt and blue jeans. One of his hands rested on your ankle and the other was holding up his chin and his elbow rested on the arm of the couch. 

Some random movie was playing, you weren't exactly paying attention to what it was because you were too focused on the heat from John's hand on your leg and you lived for little touches like that. You were getting worse, you knew that. You had always been pale, but lately you skin looked almost sickly, you had to strain to get every breath these days, and you were too thin to be healthy. There wasn't anything stopping you from telling John about your feelings, except for the fact that you were a pathetic coward and the thought of telling him hurt almost more than the roots that grow around your heart. 

The tickle from a flower assaulted your throat and you suddenly couldn't breathe. You sat up abruptly, causing John to look at you in concern and ask what was wrong as you coughed and coughed and coughed. This was it, you thought. This would be the last flower you coughed up. Tears leaked from your tightly shut eyes and your heart throbbed in your chest.

There were arms on your shoulders and a voice desperately asking you what was wrong but you couldn't answer as you throat burned and the sickly sweet smell of the Columbine’s attacked your senses. You coughed up a full flower onto the palm of your hand and blood trickled from the corners of your mouth. Your throat cleared after than and you sucked in a huge breath, not looking up or saying anything to the boy who had gone silent in front of you on the floor.

You didn't know what to say, didn't know if there was anything to say in a situation like this because you had just _coughed up_ John's favorite flower that were the color of his eyes in front of him. He had to know what that means. 

The silence lasted for what felt like a lifetime until John let out a quiet, broken laugh, whispers your name, and suddenly, but not quick enough, warm lips press against yours and it was like the world exploded into a million peices. John's lips were softer than you imagined, a little chapped but with how cold his house is, you kind of expected it. The kiss was everything you imagined and a million times better.

His hands moved from your shoulders to the back of your neck and you shivered when he cares the soft skin beneath your hairline. Hesitantly, you still weren't sure if this was actually happening or if it was a dream, you settled your hands on his waist, appreciating the soft material of the sweatshirt. 

You separate and breathe deeply, relishing in the feeling of not having petals block his throat. This was the first time in years where he could breathe without restrictions and it felt amazing. John felt amazing. You slumped down, tension easing out of you until you felt too tired to move and you rested your head against against his chest and hear the erratic beat of his heart in your ear. You're glad to know he's as affected by this as you are.

“God,” you whispered into his clothing as his pulls you closer to him than you already are. “I love you so much.”

He laughs softly, pets your hair, and repeats the words with more love and care than you had ever heard before in your life. And everything is right in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first story of my Hanahaki Disease oneshots. This AU gets very little attention so I'm writing them (mostly self-indulgent). It didn't turn out exactly like I wanted it to so I might rewrite it sometime but I'm lazy. Enjoy!
> 
> ~Z


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